thoughts on being back in India

So the last post was on my first impressions returning to India (written from the Mumbai airport). This is now reflecting on being there about 3 weeks (written from back in Nairobi).

The best parts by far was reconnecting with friends and colleagues. I'm not even sure how to articulate how wonderful it was. Here are some snippets of other reasons I loved being back:

On the first day, I took a nap and then left the hotel in Gurgaon to grab a taxi to Delhi to meet up with Radhika. Forgetting the Gurgaon is bizzaro-world and not at all like Delhi. There are no cabs. I found bike rickshaws (which aren't practical for long distances like that) so I was trying to ask them where the taxi stands were... they clearly had no idea what I was saying or where taxis were but were willing to pedal me there for 100 rupees. An older indian couple overhead me and tried to help. They realized the rickshaw wallah didn't know what he was talking about and offered to drive me to a taxi stand. That's the first bit I love, that it's safe to get into a stranger's car and that they'd offer. They couldn't find a stand either and called a taxi to meet us somewhere and then pulled over to run some errands. I was so late and they were running errands! But they were being so nice I couldn't really complain:)

Later, I had a taxi take me to Lagpat Nagar where I wanted to buy some more shoes like ones I had bought years ago and see if I could replace some curtains that I had bought that had ripped. Found the shoes (bought 5 pairs) but they no longer had the same curtains. Then I tried to call my taxi driver to find out where he had parked. Unfortunately he didn't speak English and spoke really really fast hindi that I couldn't understand so I ducked into the nearest shop and just handed the guy at the counter my phone. There was a line of people waiting to pay. He talked for 2 minutes with the taxi driver, when I apologized to the line, they were all very friendly and understanding and then the business guy called his assistant to walk me to the place the taxi was. I mean it was nice enough of him to help me but sending someone with me to find him was seriously going above and beyond.

I think that's part of it - I feel like I have this well-developed skill set for navigating India; hindi, head bobs, body language, tone of voice, knowing that I should let other people help me rather than trying to do stuff for myself, knowing how to talk that is most likely to result in people understanding me, knowing where things are, etc. And now I don't use those skills at all. Seems like a waste.

Overall, it's so nice to realize there are a growing number of places I feel at home and surrounded by wonderful friends and colleagues. What a blessed life.

First impressions of being back in India

I am returning to India one year and 13 days after they refused to renew my visa and told me to “get out of our country”. I am so excited to see old friends and colleagues (many are both) and fill up on fresh lime sodas and chicken kathi rolls but this trip happened a bit quickly so I hadn’t had much time to process what being back might be like.

I guess before I start I’m going to need a disclaimer - this is only interesting if I’m honest, which means not trying to make myself sound like a better person than I am. Because honestly, my first reaction was complete annoyance. And it took me by surprise. I entered the boarding area for the flight and 95% of passengers on the Nairobi to Mumbai flight were Indian and people were coughing things up and clearing their throats and I could feel my body getting tense with annoyance and a feeling of superiority. And then came the boarding call – a wild dash to the front with absolutely no respect for the line (I had to check myself there to not say queue, which is what I would say now) or personal space. As I walked on the plane I realized that this trip was likely to take a lot of patience, and given the last few weeks, that wasn’t going to be easy. So I took a few deep breaths, lamented that since the office had moved I wouldn’t be able to go to my old yoga studio and tried to prepare myself. Then on the flight, I was surrounded by men. Many in tight pants with lots of decoration who thought they were really attractive. The guy in front of me leaned his chair back put his hands behind his head into my space, leaned the chair in front of him forward (no one was sitting there) and put his feet up so all I could see in my line of vision was his enormously ugly feet in the air. And the men on both sides of me all knew each other and were yelling back and forth across the plane – only made worse once they started downing the little bottles of whisky. And then I was reminded of the Indian male stare. Wow, I didn’t miss that. I guess what struck me is that I have a knee-jerk prejudice against Indians….and that surprised me the most. I found myself thinking, “Indians are the worst nationality to travel with”…. Or “Indians have the least respect for cultural sensitivities of others”… or a variety of similar things, all of which are not true – most cultures suck to travel with (including my own) and most cultures are overly sensitive about how they might clash with my culture and when they are I get annoyed that they haven’t kept their own culture!

On the flip side, several moments made me smile. As the plane landed (and everyone turned on the phones IMMEDIATELY and jumped up despite the announcement not to) one guy said to his friend, “chalo?” (shall we go?) This has got to be one of my favorite words in any language – so simple, catchy and useful. Then his friend responded with the head bobble and I realized that I don’t instinctively do that anymore, I wonder when I stopped? I miss it. Then there’s the new Mumbai airport…. While I think more airport projects should be contacting people like me who travel a lot to advise on how to make it all better (i.e., I would have added a mani/pedi place and a dairy queen), it’s a major upgrade. Everything is clean and well marked. There were plenty of immigration desks (granted it was 2 in the morning) and a guy who told you which line to stand in. The domestic check–in was right there, well-marked and easy (if you ignore the fact that my flight was cancelled and therefore I had a 6 hour layover). Transfer bus could’ve been better but was free and easy to find. Domestic terminal has free internet kiosks! And an ATM that takes my card! And a place open at 3am with cappuccinos that can make change from the 1000 rupee notes that the ATM gives! Clearly there is nothing that makes me happier then well-marked efficiency.

I guess the key moment for me was at immigration. The woman ahead of me was travelling with a small child and an old man – she was probably about my age. She wasn’t aggressive or subservient, she was just calmly trying to get through the system, and watching her allowed me to snap out of my generalizations about all Indians and remind myself of the vast diversity. Somehow I’ve started to separate all the people who were so kind to me in the 4 or 5 years I was there from “Indians”, which makes no sense at all.

So here I am at 4:00am in Mumbai airport (1:30am Nairobi-time), so thankful to have been reminded of that before the rest of this trip, because I have 8 more flights in the next 18 days. And wondering what time is appropriate to call the office driver to tell him my flight is changed that will allow him to leave the house later but not wake him up……

It’s good to be back!