Red tape in India

I just bought a new sofa set - which is very exciting and makes me feel old - but ultimately the process is as interesting as the end result.

Step 1: Go to shop area - everything you'd want to buy has an area. The flower market, the spice market, the furniture market, the cloth market, the upscale market, the spatula market, the lamp wiring market, the toilet market etc.

Step 2: find out where the market has now moved to - since the "sealing" drive in Delhi everything is closed and relocated. I think I've mentioned the sealing drive before but in a nutshell, most of the buildings in Delhi have some sort of business running out of them and apparently they are not zoned as such and people have been paying the authorities to look the other way. The other part of the sealing drive is encroachment - or buildings that have extended into the streets. So about a year ago Delhi started using a wrecking ball on all these illegally placed buildings including most good restaurants and many malls and markets. So while the high end furniture shops used to be on MG road, now they are in malls in the Gurgaon suburb.

Step 3: try to guess what you might be buying. So much of the stuff here is custom made that you are not so much purchasing something known as relying on other stuff they make to ascertain if they can make that as well. The sofas that are in the showrooms, for instance, are possibly the ugliest things I've ever seen. There's an odd affection for Knots Landing-styled designs and either very soft or very hard cushions. That's the cloth sofas - the other option is heavy wood with cushions which are more visually appealing, and traditionally indian - however, I'm a lounger and therefore want soft, comfy sofas that I can curl up on. "Yes madam, we can make that. Would you like to look at our catalogue of things that are not even close to what you want?"

This step requires extensive and exhausting trips all over town. It usually follows a nice emotional roller coaster where you get really excited at the prospects and then realize that if you have to see one more sofa or spatula or pepper grinder that just isn't quite right you're going to give up. So you take a break and then revive your energy (in my case about six months later) and try again.

Step 4: layout obscene amounts of money and wait - the amount of waiting time is unknown. The indian furniture here is cheap (as is custom-made wood stuff) but the more western stuff is not.

Step 5: get an email from someone leaving town selling exactly what you just bought for far less money.

Step 6: follow-up. The place you bought it from has estimated 3-6 weeks and will have forgotten about your order unless you call. The fact that you haven't paid yet doesn't influence this. I received my set 6 weeks and 6 days from the first payment which included about 7 phone calls and a visit to the factory on my part. And I think that was pretty timely given other experiences.

Step 7: Fall in love with whatever you've bought and refuse to listen to anyone who dares criticize it! Actually I'm really happy with the sofas. But I'm fully aware that I'm experiencing cognitive dissonance and will only process good information on them now.

Random Post Script: I emailed many of you this but it's just so classic that I want to document it. In an evaluation of the retreat I recently organized in Kodai, I received the following response:

“Trouser hunt really form a very good team building”

I think he meant treasure hunt. Or maybe I just missed the good part of the game.